Lessons learned

I’ve been asked quite a few times since coming home, “Would you do it again?” Would I leave my family for a two year commitment to go live in rural Zambia again? This question caused some serious reflection on my part.  The short answer is yes.

The long answer made me realize how much I misrepresented my time in Zambia while I was there.  It was easy to be negative and focus on the hard times.  And believe me, the hard times were plentiful.  But I believe that those hard times provided me with the strength and resilience to be who I am now.  I haven’t changed since Zambia, but I have grown immensely.

Without Zambia, I wouldn’t be as comfortable with my body as I am today.  I wouldn’t know how to make bread over a stove.  I wouldn’t have experienced having to put your complete trust in strangers when trying to get around, fix a tire on your bike, or navigate my way home after a long funeral.  I wouldn’t have come to understand the amazing power of women in under-developed communities taking care of their families. I also witnessed some of the truths of living in a severely patriarchal society.  It wasn’t easy.

I also struggled to get a better grasp on the complexities of international development work.  How can you ask someone to change their habits and everyday lifestyle if it disadvantages them? Gives them less time to provide for their families? We make the assumption that people will be excited to give outside organizations and people their precious time and hard work for a distant promise of self-betterment.  I spent plenty of time frustrated that my participants would blow off one of my meetings, but show up early for a meeting put on by World Vision.  What was the difference? World Vision almost always paid some kind of stipend along with provided meals.  I expected my participants to carve time out of their already busy schedules just to work with me – no money or food involved.  This is what Peace Corps teaches us is sustainable.  But after getting some distance from that, I can only question how fair it was of me to just expect people to be self-motivated when they were struggling to meet their basic needs.

My 19 months in Zambia were probably the 19 most personally trans-formative months of my life.  Being in an environment where my opinions and intellect were doubted because of my sex ended up growing my own confidence in my abilities.  I learned to treat myself with some grace; emotions and mistakes are all opportunities for learning.  I was also extremely fortunate to be surrounded with friends who built me up even when I was in my lowest of lows.

I think a part of me will always miss my friends and my life in Nsanja.  For now, though, I am happy to be home.